Sunday, January 23, 2005

Not feeling like a fraud anymore

Not much happened this week, apart from the title thing. Severance (starting to get more used to that title now) has been sent out to sales people, and the preparations for casting are underway. The people they're thinking of offering the parts to have surprised me - not because of who they are, but purely because they're real, proper, famous actors and actresses. Look at it from my point of view - I wrote this script at home, in my living room, on a shitty old computer. It got sold, I rewrote it lots, worked with the director and producer on it, and now, suddenly, they're looking for actual Actors to play the parts. All of a sudden, it is no longer something I did at home, in my spare time, evenings and weekends. Now, it is a proper film project. Actors will be sent the script, and offered it. They will treat it the same as any other script they get - they'll read it, and if they want to do it, then they will. They won't know that some chancer with a dayjob wrote it in between watching telly and going to work. The film company will pay the actors, they'll turn up and do their job, and it will be all in a day's work for them. At work, I'm the bloke who sold some script thing. To the film crew, I'll be "the writer".

All along, I've been feeling like a fraud, like I don't deserve to be meeting all these people, that they'll find out that I'm not a proper writer, I'm just some bloke who writes stuff in his spare time. Recently - very recently - I've started to feel like a proper writer. A professional. When I expressed surprise to the producer when he suggested a certain actor, he asked me "Well why wouldn't he do it?" - and he was right. It's a proper script. It's a proper film. And I deserve to be out there, making movies, meeting people, working with them, just as much as anybody else currently doing it. The only difference between them and me is that I don't quite feel like I'm all the way there yet. But I'm getting there. I used to think that anytime I met a producer or somebody, as soon as I offered my opinion, they'd stop, look at me, and say "what the fuck do you know? You're not part of this business!" Nobody has yet, because as far as they know, I *am* part of it. I've got the talent for it. I've got the enthusiasm. I've got every fucking right to be part of it. I still get panicky and freaked out that they won't like what I've written, apparently that never goes away. But I've learnt a lot over the past 2 years, and I think I'm ready to be a lot more confident than I was. I am not a fraud anymore.

One last thing: I'd love to blab about which actors and actresses they're considering, but I'm not allowed to because (a) it's bad form to do so before anything is offered or signed, (b) if they turn it down and they offer it to someone else, nobody wants to know they're 2nd or 3rd choice, and (c) it might look like I was trying to pretend that so-and-so was going to be in the movie, when they might not be. But they're proper actors and actresses. You will have heard of them. And as soon as anything is confirmed or press-released, I'll be splashing it all over this blog like cheap aftershave.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

*smiles and a big hugs*

of course yer a proper writer. silly :)