Sunday, July 31, 2005

He always seemed like such a nice, quiet man

It's time police rounded up and arrested all the nice, quiet people. Whenever a serial killer is caught, neighbours always describe them as nice, quiet, and normal. They say that they never imagined he could have done anything like this. The bombers involved in the 7th July attack on London were all described as "quiet", and "ordinary". People said things like "He was a good man, quiet... when I told my daughter she said 'no, he can't do something like that'". And "They were just normal, everyday people. It's just so shocking that he could be involved in something like this." Anytime you see a news story about a murderer getting arrested, look for the reactions from the people who live in the street. It's never the mad, shouty neighbour with the three pitbulls who gets drunk every night. It's always the nice, quiet man over the road, who always had a kind word, who didn't seem the sort of person who would get involved in anything illegal. If police had done a random crime sweep, they should have seen the warning signs, ignored the loud guy, and taken away the nice, quiet man. 9 times out of 10, his cellar will be filled with bodies, his fridge stuffed with heads, his food processor clogged with bone and hair.

Our next door neighbour is really nice, quiet, never causes any trouble, and seems like a perfectly innocent, upstanding citizen. Clearly, he's a serial killer. He must be. We just know he's got a dungeon in there. We're terrified of him.

Seriously. Arrest all the nice, quiet, decent people. They're all evil.

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