Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Weird headlines

I collect weird headlines. I only have a small collection, I'm fussy. I posted two of these in a comment over at James Henry's blog, but I have to share them with the rest of you. Partly because unless you see them, you won't believe them. Headlines from newspapers that are so bizarre, you have to rip them out and keep them, just to make sure you haven't gone mad.

I've uploaded them to my Flickr account, so open this link in a new window, and read on while it's loading (it's big).

From left to right, top line first, they are:

Dope case jockey's baby oil sex romp in tandoori house - now that's my kind of Saturday night
Gay bishops 'may tear Church apart' - with their BIG GAY HANDS
Chicken challenge fails - as chicken fails to eat fifty eggs in an hour
Naked man died in field of horses - sounds like a Guinness ad
Monkey death on the rock - produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

Usually, the story is quite dull, and never lives up to the headline. Except this one, which just gets more bizarre:

Naked man died in field of horses: "A father who was found wearing no trousers in a field of horses died from a heart attack, an inquest ruled yesterday. Police at first thought Derek Carmichael, 56, was murdered. The inquest in Bristol heard injuries to his face could have been caused by a horse. He had severe coronary disease but police could not explain his state of undress."

Exactly what it says in the headline. It's the odd phrasing that gets me. The man was "wearing no trousers". And "he had severe coronary disease but police could not explain his state of undress" - *despite* him having coronary disease, police are still can't explain why he didn't have any trousers on. Where are his trousers? Don't know, sarge. Did he have coronary disease? Yes sarge. And you still have don't know why his trousers are missing? What kind of policeman are you?

The only headline not here is at work, stuck to my monitor, which reads "Unusual ideas for coleslaw arrive". How like life, eh?

I have a much larger collection of one-line movie plot descriptions from one of those cheapie TV guides, they're hilarious. I'll try and put them online someday.


james henry said...


soulmining said...

I've just posted a great one on my blog... 'Hippo eats dwarf'

James Moran said...

That is horrendous. I love it.

Fergus Ray Murray said...

Japan grapples with invasion of giant jellyfish!

James Moran said...

And if you've got an invasion of giant jellyfish, the best thing to do is "grapple" with them. That's what I'd do. Nothing sorts out jellyfish like a good grappling... Brilliant stuff.