Friday, May 19, 2006

How to organise a wedding in a month

So we were going to just hit a registry office, do the deed, sign the paper, then let everyone know. We picked a date a month down the line, booked it, and phoned our families to let them know. Naturally, they all wanted to come and be there with us, so we thought we'd better organise something for them. But keeping to the date we'd already booked. So we had 4 weeks to plan it all.

  • Week 1: Do nothing. It's ages from now, all a bit scary, so just ignore it and see if it all goes away.

  • Week 2: It's not going away. Start looking on the internet for hotels, dinner things, and stuff - all you want to do is have a set meal in the fancy hotel, with some booze laid on. Simple. Look on the net for a few hours, then leave it for a while.

  • Week 3: The registry office needs you to sort out your forms 15 days before the wedding day. So do this now, 17 days before the day. Plenty of time. Get some nice clothes to wear on the day. Check internet again, look at the same hotels and dinner things. Start thinking about phoning one of them.

  • Week 4: Phone hotel, sort out food, book hotel room. 2 days before the wedding, finalise the menu, pick up the forms for the registry office, pay for the ceremony. The day before the wedding, pack your bags, arrange the car to transport people (one of my only 4 jobs, 3 of which I forgot to do), and check into the hotel. The day of the wedding, run out to the shops for a few last minute items. Get married, eat lots, get drunk.
It's easy when you don't really know what you're doing. I have no funny stories of the day itself, because it all went perfectly smoothly, so pretend that someone's trousers fell down, the rings got lost, and a bull rampaged through the ceremony with an elderly man sprawled on top of it.

So, er, I'm now married, as of two days ago, and a bit bewildered, tired, spaced out, and deliriously happy all at the same time. Married to Jo, obviously, not some random stranger.

23 comments:

Jodie - ur wyph said...

My tea tasted a bit funny on Tuesday, then I woke up this morning and I was married...

I'm just kidding, I love ya really kid, you're aaaaaaaaaalright.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations my friends, Stella told me and I was overjoyed. Now all you have to do is make an honest man out of him Jo!

Regards, The Hat

jodie said...

There are some things which are beyond even my capabilities Mr Hat...

Dom Carver said...

Congrats guys. I'm doing it on the 5th of August (the BIG wedding thing) and we've had a year and a half to organise it. Actually Susie did the organising, all I have to do is turn up, say 'I do' and drink beer with mates I haven't seen in months. Bargin!!!!!

knifegirl said...

Congratulations! All good stuff to both of you.

Lee said...

Hearty congratulations to you both!

Anonymous said...

You? Married? Nah, I don't believe it. You're clearly designed to be a bachelor for ever. How can you possibly be a writer if you're married. It goes against the whole ethos of the thing!

Anyway, congratulations and whatnot.

-Andrew Aguecheek

soulmining said...

Loved that last night... oh by the way it was Jo, not some random stranger. Very witty.
Ver many congratulations to you both Mr & Mrs M.

Jodie said...

It's Mr M, and Ms K... I'm not changing my name - girl power and all that.

james henry said...

Please can people stop getting married.

Lee said...

And then what, eh? Unfettered members of either gender rampaging through our cities and towns, no longer bound by oaths of monogamy, heedless of tradition and accepted forms of behaviour, having their wild way with any and all passer-by?

Nooo, the old ways are the best, I tell you, Sir.

Ruth said...

Congratulations! At the risk of sounding like Punch and Judy, that's the way to do it. And kudos to Jo for not changing her name!

rawshark said...

Wow - married? Congratualtions to you both.. Well done..

btw - did you see Ian Rattray's Cannes blog where he met up with Christopher Smith. Good news methinks...

"Alan and I ran into Creep director Chris Smith yesterday at the British Pavilion. Chris is in Cannes to support his new film Severance, which is screening in the Marche du Film. Chris is always up and hyper, as many of you will remember from the 2004 Frightfest screening of Creep, but he was really buzzing from results just in from a preview where Severance had tested through the roof.

The film is currently slated to open in the UK on 25th August, the same day as FrightFest starts. As a result of the preview Pathe, the films UK distributor, is now thinking of moving the movie into October, a much better date. If this happens, and lets hope so, as Alan, Paul and I think that the film is so fabulous, expect to see Severance in our August line up."

Optimistic_Reader said...

Congrats! My sister managed to plan her wedding in 4 weeks as well, and it all went smoothly, except that it rained, even though it was in August. But that's Scotland for you. Greta Green is lovely despite the rain though.

Dom Carver said...

Can someone eplain to me why women do that; getting married and keeping their maiden name?????

It's like, "I'll take half your money when we divorce but I won't take your surname."

If you're not going to take the man's surname what's the point in getting married? You might as well just live together?

Sorry, rant over ;-)

ReiToei said...

James and Jodie up a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G,
First came love,
Then came beatings,
Now the dinner is made on time every day.

James Moran said...

Dom: Because it's a silly, old fashioned custom that is incredibly outdated and sexist - apart from love and stuff, there are lots of good reasons to get married, like legal rights (inheritance, hospital visitation in case of accident, etc) that are denied you no matter how long you've been together. Besides, why would I want to inflict "Moran" on someone??

reitoei: Fucking A. She's up the chimney now, her little fingers get the corners so sparkly clean!

Dom Carver said...

If she doesn't use your surname she'll have to have 'Property of James Moran' tattooed on her arse so that other men know she's yours ;-)

Sexist???? Me???? Hey, I let Susie drop the 'Obey' from the vows as long as she replaced it with worship. How 'New Millennium' man is that?

Anonymous said...

YOU'RE MARRIED?!

Doh!

lou said...

hello you two and massive hugs and congratulations from us two. i think booyaa is a bit disappointed, james, he's always had a soft spot for you ;)
it's great news and we're very happy for you. and also amazed you managed all that organising in one month. rispek.

Anonymous said...

Me and Lila got married 5 weeks ago, so we should keep in touch for the next 40 years. That way, I can give you a headsup on the perils and pitfalls of marriage more than a fortnight before they happen to you (for the record, week 3,4 & 5 are great, apart from the "bugger, we're not still on honeymoon, now we have to work" factor)

Congratulations!

Bernard (occasionally also known as [bol])

James Moran said...

Lou: My secret was to be really shit, and let Jo do all the hard work. Much like the wedding night! Boom boom!

Bernard: Wow, it'll be like time travel, I can have all the solutions before anyone realises there are problems. Obviously you don't get much out of the deal, so we'll work out some sort of Jaffa Cake grant. Congrats to you two, by the way!

Fibi said...

caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant