Monday, February 05, 2007

More scary internet people

It always fascinates me how people find my blog, if they're searching for something completely unrelated. I use StatCounter to keep an eye on it, cause I like to know who's reading, where they're from, who's linking to me, and so on. People come here from Iceland, the USA, Australia, Canada, Thailand, South Africa ("deeplomatic eemuniteee!"), Germany, Spain, even Japan (give me a shout if you're from any of these or other places, I'd love to know). People have linked from all over, including Digg (for the horror sins post), and Whedonesque (for the character intro post). And occasionally you get some... strange search terms that people have been using, and somehow they land here. I posted about this before, using search terms from my old website, but it's time for an update, as there have been some new weird ones. In no particular order, here are the strangest things people have been searching for that somehow led them here:

drunken ferrets: Shame on you. Do you feel superior, lording it over sad, lonely ferrets ruining their lives with alcohol?

special pens at whsmith: I don't know why, but this one really scares me.

laura harris topless: Ah, the internet. Allowing us all to express our interest in talented actresses... by searching for naughty photos of them.

lorraine bracco legs: And this is *not* from the same person as the Laura Harris stalker, I'm sure both ladies will be happy to know. You have one each! Yay!

prayer cloth: Wow, they really ended up in the wrong place here, didn't they?

the price is right and moments and topless: I have no idea what the hell this person was looking for. Moments of toplessness on The Price is Right, maybe? Does this mean anything to anyone? Of course, you won't tell me, as you'll be exposed as the searcher.

big retard blog: I guess it's the only way my mum can remember it. And yes, if you search for that (on Yahoo), this blog is the 8th link found. Thanks, Yahoo.

If anyone is reading this who used any of the above search terms - I'm really sorry, it's perfectly normal, please don't find out where I live and murder me. Not that I'm saying you're capable of murder. Or incapable of murder, I'm sure you could do it if you really wanted to. But I'm not saying you want to. Or anything. I'm sure you're a perfectly reasonable human being. I used "scary internet people" in a purely affectionate, ironic way.

21 comments:

Jodie said...

The Price is Right topless thing: a female audience member wearing a boob tube (strapless top) was called down at the beginning of the show and she got very excited and jumped up and down waving her arms in the air. And her top had fallen down... It's usually on those Top 100 Embarassing TV Moments.

So that ones is explainable - the WHSmith special pens thing is deeply creepy though...

Paul Crilley said...

"...South Africa ("deeplomatic eemuniteee!")"

Heh. That is the most ripped off line here in South Africa. That and Val Kilmer's "laid back" Cape Town accent from the Saint. "I'm from Aaafricaa."

Blarneyman said...

Hey "Big Retard blog" are my meta google search words to find my blog. Quit stealing! If you so use "Shit Mouth Ramble Fool" I'll kill ya!

Dom Carver said...

I checked you blog while I was on honeymoon in the Maldives....does that count?

Plus do I get a prize for being your most commited reader (stalker)?

Chris (ukscriptwriter) said...

There has to be a screenplay hiding behind the title "Drunken Ferrets"

Too many twisted log lines to write here (there may be children reading - God help them!).

Lauren said...

i have a friend from South Africa that i forwarded here ;) and eeewwwww Laura Harris topless, dont come looking on my upcoming site for any photos like that, you won't find them lol!!!

funny entry anyway James :)

Groovy Dead said...

Long time reader, first time blogger.

No funny (or perverted) ferret anecdotes regarding how I found your site. I saw a bootleg of Severance last fall and, well ... found out who the writer was because it f**king rocked. Been reading since.

Oh, and I am a very proud Canadian, whatever the hell that means.

Long live the Quee- uh ... Commonwealth?

Danny Stack said...

"Whoo ees the deekhead, now?"

Paul Crilley said...

And then there was the new wave in MI2. "Where is the looo?" Actually, there's no way to really write that in the accent. You'll have to go watch the abysmal movie just to see the line.

Rae said...

Well, I did not get this blog when I googled "drunken ferrets", but I did get this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2861471.stm

Are drunken ferrets a British thing or am I just missing something?

P.S. Are you coming for SXSW?

Jools said...

Has anyone seen my WH Smith special pens? I think I left them in one of the blogs

Lucy said...

You're ALL forgetting the other classic thing to say in a South African accent: WHITE BREAD, BROWN BREAD!

Fools!

Jools said...

Nearly as much fun as getting someone from the North of Ireland to say "corduroy trousers"!

Annie Rhiannon said...

Huzzah, I'm the one from Iceland. And I'm presuming you only have one reader from here because there's only 20 of us living here in total and we can't all be reading your blonk.

I want to hear "WHITE BREAD, BROWN BREAD" in a South African accent. I don't get why it would be funny.

soulmining said...

I think you should just retitle your blog 'Big Retard Blog' and have done with it, it would be easier for us all.

I've just checked my own blog search terms and found the following:

"does noel fielding smoke?"

"nerina pallot's teeth"

And most worringly of all...

"fondling my sister (summer camp)"

Can I just point out that I don't even have a sister, before you get the wrong idea...

Lucy said...

White bread/brown bread isn't funny, just the archetypal thing to say in a south african accent. I 100% guarantee anyone can do it.

How do I check blog search terms??? I want to see mine!!!

Sarah Dobbs said...

The search terms people use to get to me petrify me on a regular basis. Most recently:

"just a little longer star wars"

"tuna water christian bale"

"pictures of raging boll"

"jail shower scenes"

"devil's chair adam mason"

"adam mason broken review"

"i hate adam mason"

Gulp.

Blarneyman said...

Okay, can I say something off topic. I did not know you were Irish! I just watched Severance for the first time on DVD, and I was very impressed. I hated Creep and cannot stand Danny Duyer, so I was a bit reluctant to watch it to be honest but it was great. Much better than I was expecting.

But the fact you are Irish makes you now infinitely more cooler in my book. How come IFTN aren't praising you! Get on the case James, you're an Irish success story!

James Moran said...

Okay, cool, some viewers/readers from Sair Tafrica, although no idea yet if *any* of them have diplomatic immunity or not, but hello anyway. And one from Canada, and Iceland, I'm honoured.

Phil: That's scary, that the guy had to clarify that it was the summer camp sister-fondling incident, to narrow it down a bit...

Lucy: Go to your Statcounter page, log in, and click on keyword activity, or recent keyword thingies. It should all be there, but be careful, it *will* scare you.

Sarah: Yes, and I couldn't find ANY jail shower scenes on your site, I was most disappointed.

Blarneyman: Technically not really - born in the UK, moved to Ireland when I was 10, then came back here when I was 24. UK citizen, although I could have taken Irish citizenship - but didn't have the 200 quid fee at the time...

Anonymous said...

Could you play for the national football team? If the answer is yes, by God you're a son of Eire.

Blarneyman said...

Well, James it was the Irish accent that threw me. So, you spent your most important years in Eire, and with a name like Moran I'm betting your parents are Irish too.