Tuesday, July 17, 2007

This post contains swearing, insomnia, and a disturbing glimpse inside my brain

I need sleep.

I get extremely violent and spaced out when I haven't had enough sleep. It makes me absolutely crazy. You know that level of utter tiredness, when you get up, and you're so exhausted it feels like you're going to throw up? That is me, now. I am that soldier. Couldn't sleep at all last night. I'm floating around in a weird bubble. Everything is making me grumpy. Walking through the Liverpool Street area is bad enough normally, but now my molecule-thin veneer of civility has been scratched away by bleeding fingers. I stomp through the yuppie scum, a thousand pin stripe suits and not one of the fuckers looking where they're going. I mutter and swear at them, long insults that they couldn't possibly hear. Try to keep them short, just throw out a random fuck or wanker here and there. Occasionally shout "watch where you're fucking GOING." No, I do NOT want a free London Lite. I didn't want one from the other FIVE fuckers shoving it in my face over the past twelve yards, what makes you think I want yours? I become *that* bloke, the mad stomping, muttering, swearing one who you pretend you can't see or hear. Shame about that bloke, probably drugs, booze, personal problems, it must have all fallen apart for him somehow. No. It hasn't. I just. Need. Sleep.

Thanks to the heat, and the fucking retard neighbours downstairs - hey, why don't you have a loud, laughing conversation at 1am, or start shagging at 4am, and when you're shagging make sure you scream your head off every time, he'll never spot that you're faking really badly even though it's incredibly obvious to anyone within a FIFTY MILE RADIUS, oh and just to top it all off, why don't you make sure we can't open our windows at night without being invaded by the stink of your cheap cigarettes and large dog that you keep locked indoors all day - I seem to be having more nights lately where I can't sleep. When I do sleep, I have bad dreams all night long. Writing so much means I have trouble switching off my brain when I fall into bed. My mind races, plots, ideas, things I need to remember, meetings, excited about tomorrow, yada yada yada. One time I got a fucking drum and bass song stuck in my head. All night. It's a great song. But it's about 9000 beats per minute, which is no good when you're trying to sleep. Why couldn't I have got a shitty ballad stuck in there? Where the hell is Glory of Love when you really need it? Where's the man fighting for MY honour??

I won't start taking sleeping pills, don't want to get reliant on anything. I don't want to be a quivering wreck in ten years, having to down fifteen bottles of NightNurse every evening just to get drowsy, crumbling up a sleeping tablet and sprinkling the dust on to my bare eyeball to absorb it into my tear ducts. Herbal shit never works for me, because I refuse to believe in it. Meditation, "relaxing", or focusing on your body bit by bit just makes me want to get up and walk around. Warm milk is unpleasant, for many reasons. Knocking back a few glasses of wine helps, but it means waking up in the night, thirsty and needing the toilet, so not much use overall.

I'm going to bed now. Window open, stink from downstairs and all. If the neighbours make a sound tonight - one single, solitary sound - I will kill them. Swiftly and quietly. And then I will sleep.

But first, maybe a quick listen to Glory of Love.

Just in case.


Jodie x said...

Staying up late on your computer does not help you sleep. So close the Macbook. Stop thinking about killing the yuppies and londonlighters. Calm down. Come to bed.

Jason Arnopp said...

Christ, I'm pretty sure that when I texted you earlier, it was after 10.09pm.

Imagine if you were just... finally... drifting... off to sleep - sinking into a bed of lovely pink marshmallow - when Jason Fucking Arnopp woke you up with a text saying how lovely Elisabeth Sladen was today. Why, you'd want to shoot his teeth out.

Lee said...

What you need is a day in the country. It's yuppie free, most people have never heard of London, and everyone's in bed by midnight.


David Bishop said...

Check into a hotel for a couple of nights. Take your laptop for work, your mobile for calls and your wallet. [They are paying to write all these Who and Torchwood scripts, right?] Or call a friend who lives in the country.

You could come stay with us, but you'd need to get to Scotland first.

Peter Pan said...

I feel your pain. I have had similar problems in the past .. managed an 8 day stretch with no sleep once - and not through choice. By about day 5 I was pretty incoherent by all accounts ... a few people still have the random voicemaisl I left them. They claim listening to them cheers them up. Pah

I'd love to tell you a miracle cure, but sadly I have found no such thing, just a few things that help.
With me, it was my personal situation that caused it (shant bore you, you dont know me so wont care) and I am guessing you are quite a mix of excitement and anxiety given your two main projects you have right now .. god knows I'd be fucking split between creaming and soiling myself if that were me!
Just dont focus on the sleep .... I know that sounds mad and its easier said than done ... but laying in bed thinking about how you cant sleep will keep you awake.
Good luck dude

Lianne said...

Oh, you poor love. I do feel your pain. Very wise to stay away from the sleeping pills. I was prescribed them once and told to take them for three nights in a row to "regulate" my sleep pattern. When I eventually woke up after the first night I felt so groggy and depressed I binned them right away. Terrible things.

I have no good advice other than to tear yourself away from PC/laptop and TV a good couple of hours before you want to sleep and maybe read a book or listen to music. And yes, get out of London for a while if you can.

Sarah Dobbs said...

Definitely stay off the sleeping tablets. Those lead to writing Hostel Part II, and we wouldn't want that.

Lucy said...

Aaah, your wife sounds like my husband James - except he says, "Get off the computer, stop thinking about killing prostitutes and having sex with werewolves!" It's true.

Unless of course Jodie X is some random cyber temptress. Outrageous.

Jools not James said...

Well I've been inviting you two up here for a weekend ever since I moved into my swanky apartment, but will you come? Noooooooooooo!
Oh and the boy wants you to reply to his email. So do eeeeeeeeeeet!

potdoll said...

if anybody does offer you some sleeping tablets can you say yes and then save them for me please.

i love them.


Harry said...

Have you tried going downn the pub and getting really really rat arsed drunk that helps me sleep

Anonymous said...

Hi, have you published your screenplay anywhere so one can take a look at it strictly for "educational purposes?" Yeah, I like to read these sorts of scripts

James Moran said...

Good question, Mr Moviequill, and one I was supposed to find out about recently but forgot again. I have now made the enquiry, and will update when I know!