I've been using StatCounter since 2005, and just had a look to see how many hits I've had in that time: 101,062. That's page loads, so includes all the random refreshes and so on. The number of unique visitors is 85,654. Which one should I use as the official count? It's a bit pointless anyway, as it doesn't include all the hits from 2003-2005, but that was before anyone had heard of me, so let's say about twelve hits…
While I was checking my stats, I glanced at the keywords people have used to find me. Once again, Teh Scary Internet People return, with their bizarre search terms and constant interest in naked ladies. Behold:
laura harris topless - yes, our friend is back. Scarily though, that search led them to the other Scary Internet People blog entry, so now they know I disapprove. I expect a dead cat in the post any day now.
danny dyer nude - well, at least there are equal opportunity nudey searches.
woman topless - although the searches for naked women will always outnumber anything else, let's face it.
nudie pictures - ah, how quaint. Nudie pictures, of healthy young ladies playing volleyball. Nothing wrong with that.
ten deadly sins for police - look, if you're not sure it's a deadly sin, and you're a copper, then whatever it is, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
the meatman movie - I have no idea, but I need to see it.
proper arse fuck session for free - I'm shocked and insulted by this, I would *never* give it away for free.
i'm shitting myself already now - you and me both, mate.
mrs. bauer from 24 - this found the confession of my man-crush on Jack Bauer. God knows what they were looking for.
mrs. bauer - okay, okay, we get the message. She's not here.
the pen is mightier than the gun - much as it pains me to say it... it really isn't. Bang. Dead. Where's your pen now?
spork games - remind me not to go to your parties.
european twirling his moustache - now there's a fetish I hadn't heard of. (Update: this is apparently a painting, as found by Rawshark in the comments earlier - do a Google and see it for yourself)
birthday grandad sorry i can't be there - so, what, you were searching for a form-letter apology??
severance ending spoilers - No! NO! Watch the movie! It's only 95 fucking minutes, don't spoil it for yourself, I didn't slave over the damn thing for years so you could just skip to the end! Oh okay then: they all get eaten by a giant mongoose. There. Happy now?
pitch document - oh! Fucking hell! Something to do with writing! And not weird shit or naked pictures! Sadly, I have no information about pitch documents, so you're out of luck.
Some new countries to add to the visitor list: Taiwan, Jordan, and Malaysia. As always, if you are those people, give us a shout so I can say hello.
Also, I'm glad to see that out of a sample of 100 visitors, only 45 of you are using Internet Explorer, the rest are a mix of Firefox, Opera and Safari. But I have to ask... if you are using IE, why? If you have to at work, fair enough, but if you don't have to, I'd love to hear why, then I can badger you into switching to a proper browser.
And that concludes this latest glimpse into the minds of scary internet lunatics. We now return you to our regular broadcast.