Monday, September 03, 2007

Severance coming to Region 1 DVD

Severance US DVD

Behold! In 2 weeks, Severance will be available on Region 1 DVD, which means that all you Region 1 types that missed it at the cinema can pick up a native copy. Extras are exactly the same as the UK version, but it has a new cover, and is a "Special Edition" - which means that *you* are special if you buy it. That's right.

Which of course means that we all get to play our favourite game, the exciting: "Let's All Watch In Silent Horror As Jimbo Obsessively Stalks The Amazon Sales Charts And Glares At Innocent Workout DVD Ladies". So let's get started right away: Severance is currently languishing at number 9,796 in the US Amazon chart, although it's the 9th most popular DVD in the "Horror > Independently Distributed" category, which surely must count for something, somewhere, maybe a prize or a cake or something. It's also the 28th most popular DVD in the "Comedy > Military & War" category, and the 99th best DVD in the "Art House & International > European Cinema > Germany > General" section, which is about as misleading as possible and completely inaccurate, but I'll take what I can get.

Now, I could be happy with being in 9,796th place. And yet I am mocked, MOCKED, by the Cindy Crawford Shape Your Body Workout, which is miles above me in 2,540th place. It was made in 1992, for God's sake. I ask you, does it have witty dialogue? Does it have tension? More importantly, does it have a Cockney geezer shoving a knife up someone's arse? No, it doesn't. So I think it's clear which one you should be buying. At least Severance is higher than the 30-Day Guitar Workout, which is rightly down in 44,784th place. To be honest, I don't see us cracking the top 100, what with all the stuff like Heroes, Lost, 24, Dexter, 300, and The Bourne Supremacy, so I'll be happy if we can at least overtake Cindy Crawford's 1992 workout video. You've got to have achievable goals, haven't you?

Anyway, you American and Canadian people, go and buy yourself a copy. Even if you haven't seen it yet. You can always flog it on eBay if you don't like it, or it would make an excellent Whatever December Thing You Celebrate/Thanksgiving/Halloween present for your friends. Unless they don't like horror movies. In which case, they're not your friends. And must be punished. You know what to do. Kill them. Kill them ALL.

By the way, those pitch deadline things I had for last Friday? Did them all. Yeah. I am the Deadline Ninja, and you must fear me. Will do the tagging thing in a few days, as I'm away tomorrow and Wednesday for omgwtf superduper tiptop megasecret reasons, none of which involve me murdering any of my enemies, in case the police are reading this.


Lucy said...

I've managed to kill ALL my friends who didn't like Severance now Jimbo, so I hope you're grateful as I've been very busy and washing the blood out my clothes was the last thing I wanted to do at 4am in the morning. But that's devotion for you. Now, where's MY prize or cake????

John Soanes said...

As my brother and his drinking buddies will attest (as I came home one night and caught them watching it), the Crawford exercise video has a certain appeal.
They said something about there being nothing else to watch, but I suspect that the fragmented nature of the narrative (she's doing sit-ups in a gym, then on a bridge, then in a warehouse) may have caught their attention.

Dom Carver said...

Have you sought medical advice about your obsession with DVD chart stats? I think you should, just to keep the general public safe you understand.

Robin Kelly said...

I've checked, "30-Day Guitar Workout" is an actual real thing - which I have to fight the urge to buy.

Phill Barron said...

It's on Sky this month too.

That's got to be quite exciting?

Pillock said...

I finally rented Severance and watched it. Loved it, especially the funny lines.

Jools not James said...

Better to get pwned by Cindy Crawford than Janice Battersby though, eh?

Oli said...

The 30-Day Guitar Workout is on Sky? I'm so there.

James Moran said...

Cheers Pillock, for liking the movie, and also Lucy, for obeying my demented internet orders and murdering her friends.

Phill: Ooh, is it? Nice! I don't have the movie channels, but I will look up the schedules and caress them.