Jo is learning to drive, so that we won't be helpless on future visits to America, but also so we can go for adventures in the countryside here (preferably involving ham sandwiches and lashings of ginger beer). Why am I not learning to drive, too? Because I'm an absent minded, unobservant, daydreaming buffoon, and don't tend to notice things like traffic lights, signposts, pedestrians... I'd mow down about twenty pensioners before I realised I was even on the pavement. Also, because ads like this used to scare me as a kid - if I make a mistake, how do I know a giant hand won't actually come out of the sky to take me away?
Anyway. The Highway Code is proving to be a great source of amusement to us, because of all the common sense rules and guidelines that they really shouldn't need to say. The best one so far, is this, taken from the print version, but also available on the online version (Rules for pedestrians, section 4):
Young children should not be out alone on the pavement or road (see Rule 7). When taking children out, keep between them and the traffic and hold their hands firmly. Strap very young children into push-chairs or use reins. When pushing a young child in a buggy, do not push the buggy into the road when checking to see if it is clear to cross, particularly from between parked vehicles.
Noooooo, Chav Sleeper, noooooo!
There you go, I'm a good person, I wasn't deliberately killing a baby, I just hadn't read my Highway Code. Although... it doesn't say you can't just let the buggy trundle into traffic while walking away. So I'm probably okay.
By the way, just to remind cyclists: it is AGAINST THE FUCKING LAW to cycle on the pavement. Look, section 64:
You MUST NOT cycle on a pavement.
[Laws HA 1835 sect 72 & R(S)A 1984, sect 129]
See? Capital letters and everything, in the book it's even printed in red. Which is why I shout at cyclists when I see them doing it, but also partly because several twats have nearly knocked me over, on the pavement, where it is ILLEGAL for them to be. Oh, and by the way, a red traffic light means stop, some of you don't seem to understand that, and I have again nearly been hit by cyclists suddenly appearing from between cars and casually zooming through a red light as I'm using a crossing. Next time, I won't dodge you, and will throw myself under your front wheel, hopefully sending you flying over your handlebars to smash your stupid face in. Thank you.
And yes, I am aware there are stupid drivers, stupid pedestrians, and perfectly well behaved cyclists. I'm not talking about those right now, neither am I talking about, for example, giraffes, astronauts, or baked beans. Just thought I'd clear that up.