Thursday, August 07, 2008

Links, Code 9, meat, and Knorks

Some links, for your linky pleasure, seeing as I'm off to Cardiff today and won't be online tomorrow to do my Friday link thingy. Also because I missed my own deadline for the previous one. So now, a day early, we can all kick back, and rub hot, tasty internet links all over ourselves. Is there no end to the depravity?

Joe Eszterhas Q & A - this is an hour long question and answer session from two years ago, when he released his book, The Devil's Guide to Hollywood. It's great stuff, full of useful info, and there's plenty more in the book. Also highly recommended is Hollywood Animal, his autobiography - half about his screenwriting career, half about his childhood, it's all fascinating, hilarious, and moving.

Spooks: Code 9 starts on BBC3 this Sunday, 10th August, 9pm. Funkier! Edgier! BBC3-ier! Set-five-years-in-the-future-ier! My ep is number 4, so should be shown on the 31st August. I will of course remind you all again closer to the time, so don't you worry your pretty little heads about it. The official site is here, which has lots more info, including the first 10 minutes of the first episode. You can also upload a pic of your face into a mission video, which can be quite disturbing. Look at this suspicious looking chap:

I know, it's quite creepy. Don't look directly into his eyes, in case he eats your soul.

Now. It's been two years. I have finally got the last piece of meat out of my digestive system. It's time to return... to Texas. Yes! It's fantastic... it's a fest... it's the Fantastic Fest, in Austin, Texas. I'll be there from the 19th to the 26th September, at the Alamo Drafthouse (South Lamar) and various pubs in the area. Obviously, I shall be fasting from now until then, so that I don't explode from the amount of meat they'll be forcing down my neck. If you're in that neck of the woods, and will be at the Fest, come and say hello. You know it makes sense.

And finally: mightier than the spork... *and* the pen? Surely, you cry, such a thing is impossible? No, children. Bow your heads in awe, at the majesty of... the Knork! It's a fork... that also cuts like a knife. Oh yes.

It's the descriptions that kill me: apparently you can "dine on the cutting edge", because "in reality, this beautiful utensil is unlike anything else on the market", thanks to products like these, which "aid in the chaos of today's on-the-go society". That's right, today's society is so chaotic and fast, you simply don't have time to use both a knife *and* fork at the same time. Use a Knork, and your other hand is free to make those important business calls, type important emails, punch people in the face, or tickle the arse of passing strangers. Thank you (I think) to my sister Jools for alerting me to this news. She knows that I live for this nonsense.


amandaa1rose said...

Wow, that picture transposer thingy is spooky... not only does it make you look like an utter chav, you also appear to have a lazy eye! Most hienously suspicious, you look.

If it wasn't for the fact I know you're a harmless geezer obsessed by cutlerly in all it's amazing forms I'd be worried. As it stands, I gaze upon your knork and weep.

Knork is not a euphemism for anything. Just sayin'.

Justine said...

Yay, I'm in Cardiff today!

Rob said...

....but they also sell knives, perhaps for those that have time to kill, or for the Knork unbelievers!

Tiffany said...

Could I just give a wh00t wh00t to your return to Fantastic Fest?

Dim said...

Spooks now! Only interesting!
(Actually, during the script reading course at The Script Factory EVRYBODY was raving about Spooks, so it's already a hit...Looking forward to the future version...)
I shall replace all the cutlery in the house with Knorks immediately.

Joe Gibson said...

But is Code 9 Spookier?

Enjoy Fantastic Fest. I hope to be there next year all going well. ;)

Michelle Goode said...

It amazes me that the knork, which is meant to minimise the use of multiple items of cutlery, is also sold in a bumper pack of 20 knork items...Hmmmm... But what gets me even more confused, is the existence of a knork knife? A spoon, I can understand, but what use is a knork knife? Is it not just a simple knife?! What a strange world... :)

Steve Barber said...

James -
There is a terrific guy named Paul who frequents Harlan's site. He lives in Austin. I am certain he would love to make your trip misera...ah, most pleasurable.

Ping me if interested.

Steve B

Rosby said...


*hides from James The Thug*

The Knork reminds me of three things; one was a story I was read about Roald Dahl's father, who lost an arm when he was young, so he made himself an all-in-one fork and knife by just sharpening the end of a fork.

The second is this:

The third is Hugh Dennis as the Duke of Edinburgh in Mock the Week:

Odd how the mind wanders. By the way, apropros of very little, can't wait for Torchwood series three. Couldn't be more pleased that you're writing for it again. Hope it's all going well!

Jaded and Cynical said...

Having just watched Code 9, I can honestly say it's every bit as good as Torchwood.

BaaBaaDoodle said...

James - Looking forward to your Code 9 epi!

Why are you going to FF? I looked at the schedule and I didn't see any entry that I could directly relate to you...just going as a civilian then? If you are in any event, could you point me too it?

James Moran said...

BaaBaa: Nope, just going as a civilian, because it's bloody good fun. Also, because of the beer and meat.

Dom Carver said...


You said 'Knorks'!


Jason Arnopp said...

I actually had a situation this morning when I could've done with a knork. I was eating a couple of sausages, see, and only brought a fork in from the kitchen. A knork would've gone down a storm with them there bangers, lemme tell you. Yes. Good day.

Albert Herring said...

But that "knork" is just what we (well, OK, our grandparents, on visits to genteel tea shops) used to call a cake fork, nesspa?