Okay, the Twitter caption competition results are in! Sorry it took so long, but there were well over 300 entries, and the judging panel had to read through them all. The competition was simple - come up with a caption for this photo:
There were lots of jokes about beaming up, and lots about me looking up skirts and kilts. You must all think I'm a Star Trek-obsessed pervert who likes copping sneaky looks at genitalia. You know me better than I realised. A lot of you went for the redecoration angle, there were several superglue gags, and lots of me being horrified by sexual antics out of shot. The most frequent captions involved me getting shat on by Myfanwy, which is clearly something most of you want to happen. I'm taking it as a compliment.
But we narrowed down the entries, until a few rose above the rest. The runners up, who get nothing but the glory of coming OH SO CLOSE:
BinkyBird: James was begining to wonder if he'd misunderstood Jack's instruction to "head for the other entrance"
psycicflower: James was taking extreme precautions to make sure he never heard the question 'When does the new series of Torchwood start?' again.
KGaleway: "New rule, no antigravity clamps during naked hide and seek."
And finally, the winning caption:
Andrew_Taylor: "If Microsoft Voice-Activated Teleporter 2009 is working, I should be arriving in Florida any second. Touch wood."
It's funny, it's clever, and it's still making me laugh. Well done, Andrew Taylor, you may nominate yourself or a personage of your choice to be named and possibly shamed, maimed or killed in the next thing of mine that gets made or published. It may be a TV/film project, it might be a short story, but either way, your chosen name will be in there. Email me (link in the sidebar) with your chosen name, and the address you want the signed copy sent to when it comes out.
In fact, because I'm feeling generous, I will also use the chosen names of the above runners up - BUT, Andrew will be first, and only he gets the signed copy of whatever it is. It may be a little while before you runners up get your names in something, so be patient. Send me your chosen names now, and I'll use them when I can. Sorry to those of you who didn't win, but don't worry, I'll have another competition at some point, because it's good fun.
Thank you to everyone who entered, you're all funny, clever, and brilliant. And filthy.