Monday, January 17, 2011

The Entweetening

The main reason blog posts here are few and far between is usually lack of time and topics - I never know what to write about, until something pops into my head. And that's fine, I don't want it to feel like a chore, it's something I really enjoy doing, but I don't want to force myself to do it.

The other reason is the Twitter, which is far, far too much fun. If you are following me on the Twitter, then hello! And thank you for following me. You're lovely, and special, and better than all the other followers. Yes, you are, you're the best one. I really enjoy being on there. I talk a lot of nonsense, find interesting links, see what's happening in real time during major global events, keep up with friends and family, and chat to loads of fun, cool, interesting people. If you work at home, as I do, you can go a bit stir crazy, not leaving the house for days, talking to yourself or your characters. This way, I can see what everyone's up to, but also turn it off when I need to get back to work. And sometimes it's nice to celebrate achieving a writing goal, it feels like everyone's rooting for me to do well.

It's a fascinating slice of everyone's life, always there, whenever you want to have a look. Obviously you get some people who don't say anything interesting, but the great thing about it is you're in control - you decide who to follow. I try not to follow too many people, otherwise my feed would swiftly become too big to handle. I regularly feel compelled to read my entire feed and catch up on the stuff I missed, and if I followed too many people then I'd do nothing else all day but read tweets, sitting in my own filth, crying, scrolling through a never ending page. Usually I just dip in and out, and unlike my blog, each tweet of mine doesn't have to be a big post with news or advice or useful information, I can just have fun with it. Some recent examples (linked ones are together):

-- I am full of eggs. Like a giant sea turtle.
-- My flippers are pushing me feebly along the sofa, looking for a good nesting spot.

-- Movie pitch: Hallmarked for Death: Steven Seagal hunts down a serial killer who kills according to greetings cards, Se7en-style
-- Hallmarked for Death features a man killed by stuffing him with blue foam to look like a Forever Friends bear.
-- I may have had too much coffee

--If you think I didn't just watch Star Trek 4 for the kazillionth time, then a double dumbass on YOU!

-- The whoopee cushion has claimed its first victim: my brother John. Thppppp! 4 grown men fell about laughing for AGES

-- Dear East Coast trains free wifi: you are slower than an asthmatic trying to suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose.
-- Also, the garden hose is made of asbestos, and the golf ball is the size of the Moon. And the asthmatic is ON the Moon.
-- Without a spacesuit, I mean. Making it even harder to breathe.

-- I have eaten all the food in the world. I regret nothing.

-- When @jodiekearns asked why I and the Angry Birds hated the green pigs so much, I simply yelled "THEY'VE TAKEN ALL THE EGGS"

-- Why do baddies always shove goodies the last few steps? "Get in the cell!" *shove* Okay! They were already going!


-- Internet porn opt in is nonsense. Why not make all TV channels only show Teletubbies, unless you "opt in" to grownup shows?
-- Bloody Tories. Taking our money that we earn to buy porn, now you're taking the porn too?? Damn you! What next, a ban on wanking??
-- If they seriously attempt this, I propose a Wank-In outside Parliament.

See? Look at me one day, you'll (hopefully) think I'm witty and clever. Another day? A foul mouthed lout. Another day? Both. Or neither. Who knows? That's half the fun of it though, isn't it? By the way, if you do follow me, I'd advise not getting text updates from me on your phone, because I might say nothing all day, or I might suddenly go on a 50-tweet rant. And for some reason, I seem to swear a lot more there than here, so be aware that my language is usually going to be adult. Well, childish, but for adults only. You know what I mean.

The other great thing about it is that there's no right or wrong way of using it. If people like what you say, they'll follow your updates. If they don't, they won't. And if someone is being an arse to you, if they won't stop, you can block them, and vice versa. It's a really good way of keeping it useful and fun for each user, which is probably why I enjoy it so much.

I should mention this while I'm on the subject: I often get requests to retweet someone's charity fundraising site, and sometimes I'll gladly oblige to spread the word - but not always, otherwise I'd be constantly reposting charity messages, and it would defeat the purpose of drawing attention to one at a time. So if I haven't done yours, it's nothing personal, I just don't want to do too many. Sometimes I'll see a worthy cause myself, and pass it on because I think it deserves wider attention - in those cases, I'll have donated too, because I don't think I should ask people to help out without doing so. I hope that's clear and fair. Also, please donate to my new charity, "Jimbo Likes Jim Beam", you can donate at any pub (if I'm in the pub at the time).

Anyway, if you're not on there and are curious, sign up and try it out. It's free, easy, but you have to use it for a bit to get a feel for it. Follow some interesting people, see what your friends are up to, talk to them, join in. It can be great fun, sometimes very silly, sometimes very profound. But it's what you make of it. See you there! Only, not right now, I'm writing stuff. But maybe a bit later on! Woo!