Tuesday, October 20, 2015

How to annoy people on Twitter

New to Twitter? Not sure how it all works? Constantly compelled to annoy people?? Just follow these handy hints, and become an instant expert!

Live in the context-free moment

If someone is talking about something over two or more tweets, and you come in halfway through the conversation, punish them for not summarising all of their previous statements at the start of each new tweet. Sure, you could simply click on their profile and read the rest of it to catch up, but they really should be thinking of you first.

Similarly, if a tweet seems to be saying something you disagree with, without any context, don’t bother looking at their other tweets, just furiously start an argument about the one you saw. Remember, don’t waste time building your anger gradually - you’re busy! - just go straight to white hot rage.

Make people your Google assistants

When someone talks about a celebrity you’ve never heard of, reply immediately and ask them who it is. It would be quicker and easier to copy and paste the name into a Google search box, but hey, they brought the name up in the first place, so it’s their responsibility to stop what they're doing and educate you.

Show off your superior knowledge

Did someone tweet about a few items on a related theme? Make sure to let them know about all the others they should have mentioned, starting with “You forgot ItemX” or “don’t forget ItemX” - even though there’s only 140 characters in a tweet, they clearly forgot about those ones and should have brought them up first. Better yet, they should have found a way to fit everything relating to that subject and the entirety of human history into one tweet. The idiots!

Find the exceptions

Has someone expressed an opinion? Make them defend it, even if you agree with them! People love debating on Twitter with angry strangers, so take up a contrary position just for fun. If they make a generalisation, even if it’s true, twist yourself in knots trying to find an extremely unlikely series of events that would provide the one exception to the thing they said - the goal here is to make them admit that what they said isn’t *always* true. Be as condescending as possible, so they won’t forget their mistake in a hurry. A good opening word is “Er...” or “Actually...” Hardly anything good on the internet starts with “Actually”.

And finally, the most important one of all:

Rain on everyone's parade

If someone says they like something - book, film, TV show, whatever - and you don’t like it?? Make sure to tell them *immediately*, so they know they’re wrong. Try to make them feel bad about liking it, because they’re clearly a weirdo for not thinking exactly the same as you, whose opinion is 100% fact. “Hey, I loved that episode!” - “Really?! You REALLY liked that? Are you sure you're not mistaken? Think about it properly: isn’t it possible that you actually didn't like it at all, and have exactly the same opinion as I do, in other words, the CORRECT opinion??”

Remember, we can’t have people enjoying themselves. Don’t love anything! It’s much, much cooler to just sit on a lofty chair of judgment shrieking at how awful everything is. We don’t like things on the internet. That’s not what we do. Now, go and make someone miserable for having fun!

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Ghosting - Canadian premiere

Canadianians! Specifically, Torontinos of Canadiania!

Ghosting will screen as part of the 38th Little Terrors short film event, on Wednesday 28th October starting at 9pm, at the Carlton Cinema in Toronto.

Crazy For You played at one of their previous events, and they're good people with excellent taste (apart from the administrative errors that keep letting my shorts in, obviously, and the hex I placed on them to ensure it keeps happening).

Full details are here, including info on the other shorts playing. Tickets are $10 for the entire evening, and are available here. You can buy booze, too! But obviously I'd never recommend doing anything like that.

Let me know if you go, and how it plays!

Monday, October 12, 2015

Festival screenings

Seem to be averaging one post a week for about a month now, so let's see if I can keep that going. Imagine! A regular blog post! Mankind was not meant to meddle with such things.

Crazy For You has been chosen to screen as part of the Twin Cities Horror Festival in Minneapolis, in the HorrorShow Hotdog strand, on Sunday October 25th at 5.30pm, along with several other shorts. Full details and tickets are available here.

After that, Crazy For You will play at the Crystal Palace International Film Festival on Friday 13th(!) of November at 7.45pm, as part of the Horror/Sci-Fi Night. Festival info is here, details of the night itself are here, and tickets for all nights are available here. I'll be attending, so say hello if you're going along. This will probably be the final festival screening, so could be your last chance to see it on a big screen. I'll talk more about where it's going after that later, so watch this space.

Also screening at the CPIFF is comedy horror short film KEEN-wah, on Saturday 28th November at 7.45pm as part of the Comedy shorts strand, and for the ticket price you get to see the awards show presented by Mark Steel, and enjoy a free gin and tonic. Details of the Comedy and awards night are here, tickets are available here. Why am I mentioning KEEN-wah? Well, it's the fantastic directorial debut of my partner Cat Davies, so I'm really pleased we're screening at the same festival. I also edited, and let me tell you, it's SO much easier to be ruthless when editing someone else's work...

Speaking of editing, I've become quite familiar with Final Cut Pro 7, editing my FrightFest idents, my shorts Three Minutes, Ghosting and now KEEN-wah, but I recently started teaching myself Final Cut Pro X - it's much, *much* faster than 7, I exported a 6GB video in 10 minutes as opposed to 4 hours... It edits a lot more seamlessly, it's way more powerful, and is a great update, so I'll be using that from now on for short projects.

I'll try to keep these posts regular-ish, although I'm mostly active on Twitter these days, at @jamesmoran, so keep an eye on that for more up to date announcements. I'll have some TV news very soon, when I'm allowed to talk about it.

Monday, October 05, 2015

My Crusoe ep on Sunday 11th October in UK

Yes, as threatened promised in a recent blog post here, my episode of Crusoe is on TV in the UK, this Sunday 11th October at 6pm, on the Drama Channel.

The Drama Channel is free-to-air in the UK, and is available on Freeview 20, Sky 158, Virgin 190, BT and TalkTalk 020. You can catch up using the UK TV Play service (on several TV systems or just on your laptop/tablet/phone). Or set it to record using whatever technological marvels you've got under your TV.

The episode is number 5 (sometimes 4, depending on whether they show the first two episodes as one bumper ep, this time they didn't), called High Water. Crusoe and Friday find an abandoned boat in a tree - will it give them a way to escape the island? What will happen in the remaining 8 episodes if they do?? Who knows?! YOU will, if you watch, this Sunday! 6pm! Drama Channel! Be there!